Are you sweating in your costume? Dizzy from the heat? Blinded by the light? Blood seeping from your pores? Okay, maybe not that last one.
It’s Summer, and you know what that means! *insert fake smile*
Sunlight, outdoors, sweat, heat….
(It means that we’ve gotta endure one more season before Fall)
Fear not! We denizens of the dark have ways to ward off the heat and sun. From magic spells to time-honored traditions, no more do we have to suffer among the summer-lovers with a sweaty brow.
Here’s how to survive the summer heat, even if you’re a vampire who just wants to sleep all day and watch horror movies (we get you).
1. Become Friends With The Shade
You want to know why vampires hate the sun? Other than the fact that they’ll explode upon contact, of course.
Sunlight = harsh, rashy, sweaty and gross.
Shade = comfortable and cool.
Vampires love the shade, and so should you. Huge the metre of shade on the sidewalk, stay indoors as much as possible. Shade is fun. Shade is your friend. If you throw shade on shade – it’s fine. Shade is cool.
(We love shade.)
2. Get A Doppelganger
You know what’s better than going out in the sunshine?
Actually, pretty much anything is better than going out in the sunshine.
Get somebody to do your chores for you – take out your animatronics from last year, put them out on the lawn, maybe get a friend to pretend they’re working at front so you can stay in and chill.
We’re sure no-one will notice. Right?
Your doppelganger should be able to do what you do – so you don’t have to do it. No need to go outside! You’ll be as inseparable and indistinguishable as the twins from The Shining. Except when your doppelganger is going outdoors for you, of course.
3. Scare Away Visitors
When you can’t be bothered to leave the house, there’s a simple solution: make sure no-one enters your house. Take your biggest, baddest Halloween decorations and props, stick’em on the walls and your windows to make sure no-one dares approach your domain.
Whether you’re using Halloween spiders to scare away arachnophiliacs, or just making it seem like your house is devoid of all life and light, true Halloween lovers know exactly how to keep ultra-cheery summer lovers out.
4. Live In A Cave
Hey, if Batman can survive the summer with his freakishly hot costumes, you can do it too. His secret? Spending half his time in the cool, covered catacombs of the Batcave.
The best part is? You’ll connect with your inner vampire, meeting all your bat-cousins and exercising your night vision. You’ll also be Batman.
Always Be Batman.
5. Douse Yourself With Water
Okay, this one might be a bit controversial.
We know there was that one incident a couple years back with the vampire and the holy water, but it’s all good this time around.
Get this – water cools you down. Brilliant. Let’s douse ourselves in it.
Cool water is a perfect solution for any overheating, especially if you’re wearing a waterproof costume. Or if you’re a firefighter. Or both.
DANGER: Do not attempt if you are a witch. Not even if you’re wearing a witch costume. We do not want anyone to melt, Wizard of Oz style.
How are you warding off the summer heat? Come chill with us, and let us know on Facebook! We’d appreciate some company while we’re holed up in our anti-sunlight bunker.
